"I know that only good awaits me at every turn. " ~ Louise Hay Daily Affirmation
Sometimes when I post on my blog about rheumatoid arthritis I feel that I live in two worlds. One world is positive and happy and the other is sad and frustrated. Fortunately, I see the same thing on other RA blogs which helps me realize that "Yes, I am sane and no, I haven't yet crossed over to the crazy side." I know that this is just part of dealing with a chronic disease.
Today's post is definitely of two worlds. I believe it is safe to say that I am experiencing the worst pain I have ever felt in my RA experiences. I wake up at night because I can't move my leg and when I try to move it the pain is so bad I find myself making weird, embarrassing sounds. It doesn't help that our dog Izzy jumped right on top of my knee at three in the morning when she heard Steve making a snack. Somehow I just can't be mad at her. Her cuteness outweighs any pain. Plus, she seems protective over me at night when I hurt and I love that about her.
A few times this morning I thought I would cry as I generally do during a flare-up to let out my frustration, but nothing came. The frustration just isn't there. Even though I feel tremendous pain in my knee, I am finally able to see myself healthy again. This is huge for me. When I look into my future I don't even have to concentrate on seeing myself sitting cross legged on the floor, bike riding or even just sitting in a chair without worrying about how I will get back up. The picture just comes to me!!! It is a wonderful feeling. I know that good is around the next turn and if I just stick with the changes I am making in my diet and in my personal life, that it will be worth the wait. There is no need to feel frustration.
Many thanks for all the prayers and healing thoughts that have come my way. They have brought me to where I am today and for that I am grateful.