Monday, December 28, 2009

No Copies Wanted!

It's a funny thing about growing up. When Sophia was younger she wanted to be just like her momma. She told me often that she hoped she would be short like me, our hair was cut in a similiar style and a few short years ago we had matching pajamas which had to be worn on the same nights. Everything about me was wonderful - I could see it in her eyes and it was the greatest feeling. Now, at 11 year old, she still admires her momma, but she needs to feel different and unique.....she needs to be Sophia, not a copy of me. She wants to stand alone in her beauty and truly I understand that and feel for her each time I hear someone say, "You look just like your mom." She tells me, "It isn't that I don't think you are pretty." I know that. She doesn't have to explain it to me. Last night we went to dinner at my niece's house and as soon as we walked in she said, "Oh, you got her hair cut just like your mom's." I could see Sophia melting as she always does when she hears this type of comment. Later she said, "I don't want to look like a 41 year old woman." He-he. I am 42 and just shaved off a year!

We are going for haircuts this week and I have a feeling Sophia is now thinking about going a different direction with her hair than she was a few days ago which makes me sad. Not sad that she doesn't want to look like me, but sad that she feels stuck in looking like her momma and not looking like Sophia. For me, I see many similarities in our look, of course, but I also see so many differences. I see Sophia who is so beautiful and unique it brings tears to my eyes sometimes just to look at her. That is what she wants from everyone - just to be seen as Sophia and not a copy of her momma.


  1. I remember when we were younger everyone saying we looked a like I have never seen it to this day. It is so hard to let your children grow up but as Jessica once told me "mom you have to let me learn and make my own mistakes, that is part of growing up." Sophia is so beautiful and I know that in her life independence is so important she will do great because you raised her to. I miss all this with Ashley as well it seems her friends are what matter most but I know when she hits her twentys mom will be cool again.

  2. I know what you mean! Sophia does resemble you, but she is also clearly her own person and has her own beautiful qualities. People start that when babies are just born "he/she looks just like......" My husband would say, instead - about our daughter - "She looks like Sophie" which is true. She has some of each of us in her, which is a beautiful thing, but she's who she is. She needs to have her own identity, not someone else's. I think that it's a habit of many people, to acknowledge that they look like one of their parents rather than acknowledging that the individual is growing into their own beautiful person.

  3. by "She looks like Sophie" he meant that she looks like her own self (we don't have anyone else named Sophie in our family). Just wanted to clarify !

  4. And here I thought she looked very much like both of her parents. To this day I still go through that. My grandchildren argue with me about my moms pictures and say they are me. Growing up, even my friends would run up behind my mom and scare her and then almost faint when they realized it was mom and not me. Still, it doesn't take anything away from our moms, just us as individuals and I certainly didn't want to look like my mom when I was 11 or even 40 for that, it is okay!
    She is growing up Cathy!