Friday, September 24, 2010


In the last several months I have noticed a change in me.  I am more open to new experiences for myself and my family.  I find myself saying, "yes" to things that in the past I said, "no" to.  Sophia recently asked why I changed my mind about an outing she wants to do next summer and I explained that I just needed some time to "grow up".  When the idea was first presented to me, all the things that "might" happen scared me into an answer of "no" rather than considering all the positive "mights" that could also happen.

I have always been a cautious person, yet somewhat open to change after careful consideration. I am not naturally a risk taker, yet feel freedom and excitement when others challenge me to do so. (One of the many reasons I love Steve).  When rheumatoid arthritis became a part of me seven years ago, I was forced into some risk taking that didn't bring with it  freedom and excitement.  Going on medications made me feel caged, scared, and vulnerable.  Going off medications and following a natural approach felt liberating to me.  It felt like me.  Each decision was a risk and forced me to make great changes in my life, not all of them easy changes.   Going back on meds again has forced me again to take new risks.  By going on medications again I risk the medications damaging my body.  But, I also risked feeling good again.    

With every decision we make, we are taking risks and with each of those decisions we have to think about what "might" happen.  Often the "mights" are all of the negatives that "might" happen.  After several years now of having limited mobility and feeling drained physically as well as emotionally,  I feel good again.  My risk paid off.  The medications "might" not have worked for my individual body, but they are.  They "might" not work for my individual body in two years, but I will meet that challenge when and if it comes. 

As I feel better physically and emotionally, I am focusing more on the positive "mights".  When Sophia approached me last year about going away for camp for an entire week (possibly two) in Vermont, it scared me.  She "might" be introduced to things she is not ready for, she "might" get hurt, she "might" be scared and regret her decision to go, she "might" be a different person when she came back.  But as I saw Sophia emailing the camp counselors and getting answers to my concerns, as she sent me videos of campers who had the time of their lives, and as I appreciated that my daughter is a free spirit that NEEDS to follow her own heart, and is growing up to be a responsible loving person, I started thinking of all the positive "mights".  She "might" meet people that will expose her to wonderful things she has never imagined, she "might" spend every day laughing, she "might" have experiences that will stay with her a lifetime, and she may come back a different person.  Once I started thinking of all the positive "mights", I knew my answer could only be "yes". 

As I continue to "grow up" and think outside my comfort box to all the possibilities that "might" happen, I feel excited.  Rheumatoid arthritis has taught me that life is meant to be lived.  We never know what is going to come into our life that will slow us down or prevent us from living life the way we want to.   So, rather than worrying about all the negatives that  "might" happen, we have to think of the positives and live our lives to their fullest!