Friday, June 13, 2014

Growing Up

Within the last two months, we’ve had big changes in our home.   My oldest turned 18 and not only got his first official job but will also start college in the fall, and my baby turned 16 and is now the proud owner of an Illinois driver’s license.  All of these big changes have created a need in me to reflect on my role in my family’s life.

My background before kids was as a 5th grade elementary teacher.  I taught a class that was slightly over 80% low income and in need of English as a Second Language services.  I absolutely loved my job.  I worked with innovative teachers and principals who genuinely cared about the success of our students.  As a young teacher at the time, I learned from my students.  I observed what was and wasn’t working for them in the classroom and knew early on that when I finally had children of my own, I would provide some sort of alternative education.  I just never imaged it would be as alternative or good as it turned out.

By the time my oldest was two years old, we had moved 700 miles away from my hometown and family.   While this was definitely a difficult time for me, it was also a time for me to become dependent on my own beliefs as a parent.   I was already tandem/extended nursing both kids and we shared a family bed which seemed so out there at the time.  I began to think about my son going away to school in only a few short years.  I wasn’t ready for that.  I liked having him home with me.   I loved watching him explore his surroundings.   It was in those early years that I learned the most valuable lesson I have learned to date and it has guided me through most of my parenting/life experiences – follow your heart.   Sometimes I have let myself slide into what others felt was right, but my heart always protested until I finally listened.    My heart lead me to make decisions that were different from other families, but so very right for ours.  

I keep getting this overwhelming feeling of joy when I think about our journey together.   While I have worked part-time as an adult ESL teacher since my daughter was three, my kids have always either been with  my husband or me.   We have both been so fortunate to be a part of their lives.  I think about all the mornings we woke up and chose to stay in our pajamas all day, the days we got up and decided to explore the backyard, go swimming, make blanket tents, cook together, or snuggle up and reread favorite books.   I got to participate in all of that!

I am going to admit that being a mom to a teenage girl has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  It has challenged me to find new ways to remain calm, to set limits, to let go of limits, and to remember that I helped create a strong minded person and with that comes struggles.  The truth is some days I feel like I have failed as a mother .  I find that listening to my heart is a struggle because it often differs with what my daughters mind/heart is telling her.  Then out of the blue, my daughter comes home and asks me to hug her.   She occasionally wakes me up at night because she needs to talk.  We’ve had long talks sitting in Starbucks parking lot.  It’s with these situations that I quickly forget my insecurities of being a failure as a mom to a teenager and know I have done my job well.   She recently gave me a huge complement.   Her friends told her she has the best mom because I am not strict, but I am always there for her.  It’s true. I don’t believe in setting tons of rules.   I expect respect which might include texting me if coming home later than planned, but overall, I always go back to my original philosophy when I started unschooling, “Trust them.  They have triggers within themselves that will always do what is best for who they are.”   I always told my kids as they were growing up, “You know your body best.”   They do.  When a person learns to believe in what their own body is telling them, they learn to listen to their own needs.   It may seem like their choices are a mistake, but it may also be the exact learning experience they need to have.  My job is not to tell them what is right or wrong for their individual self, but to guide them to listen to their own voice and be a sounding board for them as they figure out what that voice is telling them. 

We have spent our lifetime together following a path that was right for our family.  It went against what most mainstream and even at times unschooling families were doing, but it always felt right to us.  The last few years I have watched my two children transition from unschoolers to school kids.   There were a few small bumps in the road, but overall, they have found where they belong.   They have both always been good at listening to their individual hearts and know their own bodies well, my greatest gift to them.


I think the reason I have been reflecting on my role as a mom is because I know the life we have known is changing and while it is exciting, it is also new and I’m figuring out my place in this new relationship.   I see less and less of both kids.  They still both need me, but when and how varies from day to day.    I am in the process of figuring out my new role as mom and as I always have done, want to excel at it.  I have been a lucky momma to have been a part of so many of my children’s life experiences and look forward to many more.  My heart has lead me well. 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

This is Me Today

The other day I looked in the mirror and felt frustrated, as I have for the last two years.  Twenty pounds of extra Cathy was spilling out of my pants and I wasn't happy.   In fact, I felt defeated.   It seems that no matter what I do these days, the weight is quite content where it is.    

I moved on with my day as one must do, but at some point my memory was jogged.   Years ago, I felt that same defeat with my joints.  No matter what I did, I couldn't get the pain to go away.   The pain seemed quite content to stay in my body.  

My journey with rheumatoid arthritis has taught me more lessons than I can count, but they have all been positive life changing lessons.  When I thought back to how I felt when the pain in my joints just wouldn't disappear, I remembered the steps I took to drag myself from the feeling of defeat.   I visualized myself doing the things I wanted to do but couldn't:  ride my bike, jump into a pool without an attack of Rayaund's, lots of hair again, hugging my family without pain, and waking up and jumping out of bed.   There are days now when I find myself amazed that all of the things I visualized myself doing are happening daily now. My rheumatoid arthritis is in a happy place.  We went for our first bike ride of the season two weeks ago and I didn't struggle one bit as we climbed hills and rode over nine miles.

That memory of where I once was with my rheumatoid arthritis motivated me to make some changes with my body weight.  I decided not to use visualization this time because visualizing myself 20 pounds lighter only seemed to focus on who I was in the past. Instead I created a mantra for myself, "This is me today.  Be proud of who you are and all you have accomplished." Wishing I was the weight of a person I no longer am doesn't serve me.

I can't say there has been a 100% change in how I look at myself in the mirror, but there definitely has been a change in the right direction.  I haven't given up on losing the weight, but the simple act of repeating the mantra as I look in the mirror has helped me to accept who I am today.  Today is all that is important. Tomorrow I will be a new person and need to accept that person, wherever and whoever she is.

When my daughter was young, she used to ask about the stretch marks on my stomach from pregnancy.  I chose to tell her they were trophies of what I had accomplished by bringing her and her brother into the world.  It is what I believe and when I see other women with pregnancy stretchmarks, I feel pride for them.  Moms are awesome.   With my new mantra guiding me, I am looking at the extra weight as my trophy for surviving all the stress that has come the last several years of working more hours, transitioning to being a mom to teens rather than children, long hours sitting in the car, periomenopause, and much more.  My weight is here for a reason, just as I believe my rheumatoid arthritis is a part of me for a reason.  It is my job to figure out what it needs from me before it can move on and I believe it will move on when the time is right.   For now, I am going to continue working on nourishing my body with healthy foods, thinking positive thoughts about myself and others, getting good sleep, exercising, and finally buying clothes that fit around the waist rather than expecting the weight to magically disappear. This is me today.   :)  

Monday, June 2, 2014

Show Us What Your Hands Can Do!

Show Us What Your Hands Can Do!



A Show Us Your Hands! Photo Campaign
Building hope, one hand at a time
#showusyourhands

Help Show Us Your Hands! inspire and unite the inflammatory arthritis community and qualify to win a copy of Your Life with Rheumatoid Arthritis: Tools for Managing Treatment, Side Effects and Pain by Lene Andersen!

We need your help! At Show Us Your Hands! we aim to inspire and unite the inflammatory arthritis community. In the hope of building a stronger community, we are asking that each one of you share photos of your personal successes as a way to motivate and encourage others.

How Can You help?

Each month Show Us Your Hands will present a new theme. Use this theme throughout the month to take photos of yourself either using or engaging in this theme (hands, body, etc) and post it to Facebook and Twitter.  Post as often as you’d like and encourage others to join you.

Tag Show Us Your Hands so we can see your post and hashtag #showusyourhands to share with everyone!

Our theme for the month of June is Living Things.

We’re also adding an extra exciting feature this month. Our Advisory Council will look at all the entries and choose one they think is the best. That person wins a signed copy of Your Life with Rheumatoid Arthritis: Tools for Managing Treatment, Side Effects and Pain by Lene Andersen, our Director of Community Outreach!

We look forward to seeing your posts! Don’t forget to tag Show Us Your Hands! to be considered to win.
 #showusyourhands