Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Weight Loss

When I began the Body Ecology Diet in September my ultimate goal was and still is to reestablish a healthy body in order to decrease the inflammation in my joints. While I believe this goal has not been reached, it is getting there. My energy levels are higher and my overall mobility is increasing.

While the decrease in inflammation is moving along slowly, the weight loss has moved quickly. In four months I have lost 22 pounds which is quite a lot considering I wasn't overweight before and I stand only five feet tall. In all honesty I wasn't sad to see the first 10 pounds go as I generally feel more comfortable at that weight, but I have discovered that this weight loss experience has been a little weird. Generally when I lose weight I have set out to lose the weight. This time that wasn't the case. My full attention has been on the diet - preparing meals, making sure I have enough of everything I need, preparing fermented veggies, fermented coconut water, and more. My focus has been on the inflammation rather than the weight loss. So, the weird part comes in when I look at myself in the mirror. Since I have not necessarily been watching the progress of my weight loss, I still see myself 22 pounds heavier. When I look in the mirror I don't recognize the person looking back at me.

Yesterday really brought the weight loss home to me. I ordered some new jeans to take with me on a trip I am taking this week and they didn't arrive. Sophia and I went shopping to find something for me to wear as everything is hanging off of me. The first store was not a success. I am wearing the smallest size I have ever worn and the first store didn't have a large selection of this size. Lucky for me that we continued on because the the second store was the jackpot! Most of their jeans were on clearance and then 25% off. I was able to buy a pair of jeans, a pair of corduroys and a sweater for just under $50. The only thing I wasn't able to find that I was hoping for was a pair of slacks. Oh, and yes, the items that didn't arrive on time will be returned. Why pay double or more of what I paid yesterday for the same amount of clothing?

When I got home I tried the jeans on again with some different tops and I really liked what I saw in the mirror. The stomach fat that I have been struggling with the last few years is basically gone. (I wonder how much of that was built up toxins?) As I looked at myself in the mirror I felt a new struggle emerging within me. A struggle of commitment. With new clothes means a new commitment to the weight loss. Hmmm....I am not sure I like that feeling. I am committed to following this diet long term but once I put the nicely fitting jeans on I felt this overpowering commitment to the weight. I think what I have liked about this diet is for the first time I haven't worried about whether I lost weight or not and all of the sudden I feel a commitment to the weight. Weird, huh? Will this new feeling of commitment stop me from wearing the new jeans? No way! I am going to wear them with pride and learn to start accepting that my body is where it needs to be right now and if in six months that changes, than that means that is where my body needs to be.