Monday, February 8, 2010

Choices

"You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices." -- Deepak Chopra

I hit a low this weekend emotionally. My shoulders were stiff and weak, my knuckles were swollen, my feet and knee hurt and I felt emotionally and physically defeated. I asked myself, "How is it that I have put so much time and effort into healing, only to feel like I had been run over by a truck?" I cried a lot. I wanted to throw in the towel and accept that I had lost. Fortunately for me, I have friends and family that kept sending encouraging words and even more importantly for me, I have a daughter that reads me and knows just when I need my spirits lifted. Sophia somehow knew that I was ready to give up, that I had made the choice to call it quits. She knows me so well and at eleven years old, she understands a lot.

Sophia came to me Saturday night and asked me if I had given up. I tried to lie to her, but she knew. She reminded me of the good day I had last week. She reminded me of other days that were good. She reminded me how last week I got up easily from my bed. She remembers those little successes. She reminded me of the good feelings she is experiencing with diet changes. She held me and let me cry.

We all have choices. We can choose to let life and the disappointments it has in store for us take control over our mind and soul as I did that evening when I told myself that I had experienced enough and was beaten, or we can choose to take that control back and keep fighting. When you have a little girl that is backing you 100% on your journey towards health, it is pretty difficult to not make the choice to fight.

On Sunday Sophia watched me closer, I could see it. She wanted to make sure I was coming back from the dark side. She spent extra time with me, she made me laugh, she hugged me a lot and hopefully she saw my spirits returning. Hopefully she saw me making the choice to keep going, to keep working towards a body that is healthy in every way, because that is the choice I am making.