Friday, April 16, 2010

Random Thoughts

This morning I have several things on my "to do" list but I just can't focus. Maybe it is the overcast morning I woke up to after several sunny days or just the fact that my body has gone back into its flare. Whatever is it, these are the thoughts on my mind today.

~Every day since taking Arava I have felt like crap and I am back in flare mode. I realize it takes time to get into your body and do its magic, but as of this morning I am wondering if I made the right decision.

~Lifting my cup of tea this morning is a struggle.

~For the first time in nine years I am not teaching an evening class. My family loves this.

~My morning class consists of 13 women and one guy. What a fun group of people.

~ I REALLY like my job. I can never imagine going back to the elementary classroom, but I enjoy teaching and being in the classroom with adults.

~My body needed a break from teaching two three hour classes a day, especially since one was in the morning and one was at night. However, I need to figure out a way to supplement the missing pay. I really want a work from home job that pays well. I know. Everyone wants that, right?

~Why is it that when you feel bloated your whole body image goes downhill?

~I am off dog walking duty again. This makes me sad.

~I can't wait for the kids to wake up this morning. They both always give me positive energy.

~I think a big cry is in order today.

~Those stinkin' squirrels have torn apart the cushion on my swing in the backyard. Steve and the kids surprised me one night a few years back and bought it when I was gone to work. That evening we sat in the dark with blankets wrapped around us swinging and talking. That memory makes me happy.

~I want to do something new with my hair but have no idea what. I saw a friend last weekend that colored her hair and it looks so pretty. I don't think I want to go that route again but maybe a new style would be good.

~Days like today I wish I was someone that bought a big bag of kibble rather than a person that makes homemade food for her dog, especially since there isn't any food made yet.I also wish today that I was a person that would drive to Dunkin Donuts and buy breakfast for everyone rather than having to make a healthy breakfast for my kiddos. I know Alexander will make breakfast if I ask him to, but it is really something I like doing for them.

~The last batch of broccoli fennel soup I made was so good! I am eating it now.

~Since I started taking Arava I have had a pain in my left rib at night and early morning. Coincidence?

~I reduce my predisone from 10mg to 7.5mg tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Thanks for listening this morning to my random thoughts. I feel a little better after sharing. However, if you have any random thoughts you would like to share, I would love to hear them.


  1. Cathy,

    This is definitely a post from the heart. I like that even though you see the things that are making you feel down, you add a “but wait a minute” to it. That is strength if you ask me.

    I have been having some “I am feeling depressed” moments, but I have been finding my “but wait a minute” things to make it easier. That is all we can do.

    Gentle hugs, my friend. Keep smiling and adding those “but wait a minute”(s).

  2. I have been reading your blog for over a year and finally decided to leave a comment to tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your journey. I discovered your other blog first, I believe. I was considering unschooling my children and really like to read about your experience. My husband has a different opinion on how we should educate our children, so we didn't end up going the unschooling route. I still enjoy reading about your children's experiences and think you are doing an amazing job letting them follow their hearts.

    I think I became interested in this blog because I caught a blurb that you had stopped coloring your hair. I stopped coloring mine 2 years ago. People who haven't seen me in a couple years are "shocked" by the grey, but I feel like I am more my authentic self by letting it shine through. I also gave it up because of the chemical exposure. I just can't go that route anymore.

    Last year I struggled with severe adrenal fatigue and started to explore alternative health care after an M.D. immediately prescribed steroids. I admire your persistence in exploring all your options in regaining your health and send you healing thoughts every time I read your blog.

    Your ESL stories are another aspect of your blog that I really enjoy. I was planning to volunteer through a local literacy program last year to help adults learn English as a second language. I went through training but was never able to volunteer because of the adrenal fatigue. I am starting to feel better and hope to be able to do that soon.

    Thank you for continuing to write this blog. I look forward to reading your posts and am inspired by you.

  3. Cathy, it's wonderful that you have a family and a job that give you so much joy and satisfaction. Both mean so much in how we live our lives. And that you do so well with both is a testament to your continued courage and strength in dealing with a disease that is so frequently physically and mentally overwhelming.

    I hope the Arava will start working soon to give you some substantial relief. And I hope you'll have a really nice restful, peaceful, gentle weekend, filled with laughter and joy.

    I'm taking you along with me in my thoughts as I walk Finny today, hoping that you'll soon be able to get back out in the fresh air with your own four-legged buddy. Take care.