Each morning I like to read Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws and reflect. Today is the Law of Intention and Desire. One of my intentions has been to have good joint health. I found myself reading and rereading Chopra's second step for following this law this morning. "I will release this list of my desires and surrender it to the womb of creation, trusting that when things don't seem to go my way, there is a reason, and that the cosmic plan has designs for me much grander than even those I have conceived. "
This morning it dawned on me as I was reading this that I have released my intentions and what is coming back to me is the need to take medications. It isn't the way I wanted this to end but I have to trust that this is the route that is best for me right now. When I saw my PCP last month I surprised myself by asking for prednisone, but that small move lead me to x-rays, back to my original naturopath, and to a new rheumatologist. There is a cosmic plan for me that I don't quite understand but that I need to trust.
I picked up my Arava prescription tonight. I reread all the side effects and went into panic mode. I rang my sister and cried, making sure I am making the right decision. She calmed me and helped me focus on the positives.
Tonight before going to bed I will take the first of my Arava pills. Unlike when I took Methotrexate and imagined all the awful things it was doing inside my body, I will take this little white pill and imagine all the healing that it is doing for my joints. I will be thankful that it is there for me. I will thank my body for working so hard and for so long and for sticking with me as I have fought to do this my way. As I take the Arava I will remember that this is only one part of my healing process. Diet, herbs, positive thinking, and much more will always have its place. Together, the conventional and alternative will find a happy place for me. Most of all tonight, I am going to trust. I am going to trust that I have released my intentions and they are being heard.