~I am off Arava for a week or two to see if the increased joint pain, tightness in ribs, slight nausea in morning and swollen glands is from the drug or just a coincidence.
~I was walking into work with a gal yesterday morning. As we approached the steps she said, "Your knees are really bothering you today, aren't they?" She started asking questions as the tears started building and I told her it was too early and too painful to talk about right then. She said she understood but just wanted to say, "You look GREAT." I laughed and she said, "Maybe you can just stand there without moving looking great." That made me laugh again.
~In six years I have never talked about my RA at work but since I am teaching in the mornings now, there is no way around it. By the time classes were over yesterday my body had loosened up a bit. So, when another teacher walked out with me and mentioned that it looked like I was having a bad day I was able to talk without crying. She had a million questions and stopped once and said, "I hope you don't mind all the questions." I didn't. Actually, I liked that she had such good questions and she didn't tie any advice to the questions. She just truly wanted to know the information.
I hope they can figure out what is making you hurt worse and then find something to make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the things I'm struggling with is being understood and then trying to figure out how much to share.
I feel comfortable talking to someone who has RA or has chronic pain but I never quite know what is appropriate for people that don't quite get what I have...and some of that is because I don't want to open myself up to the "you look great" conversation. Though I have replied to that statement "I wish I felt as great as I look."
It's funny the people around us tend to become more compassionate as they see what we go through and yet I feel more closed up these days than I ever have before.
39 and starting over emotionally...it's not quite how I had pictured my life playing out...