Friday, December 16, 2011

I Fail as a Woman Shopper

There are days I feel that I fail as a woman.  Yesterday was one of those days.  Alexander and Sophia wanted to go to the mall to do some shopping for their dad and friends.  I HATE shopping and I especially HATE shopping at the mall.  I have always been this way, but it has intensified over the years. 

We left the house feeling happy and I reminded myself over and over to just relax and enjoy the moment.  Sophia loves to shop and she wants me to experience it with her.  How awesome is that?  The first hour went well and I think we were all enjoying ourselves.  I don't know what happened after that first hour but something snapped in me and I just couldn't handle being in the mall any longer.  Maybe it was the bright lights or maybe it was the loud music that changed from store to store, or maybe it was that after an hour it seemed like we were walking in circles not sure where to go next. It could have even been the constant badgering by the kiosk workers to buy their products.  (Alexander said, "Mom, think of them as bums in Chicago.  Just look straight ahead and keep walking.")  Anyhow, I felt completely worn out and claustrophobic.  I hate these moments because all I want to do is get out of the mall.  It doesn't help to remind myself to calm down and enjoy the moment because my need to escape becomes stronger than any other need. I am no longer any help to Sophia and she really wanted my input. 

Why, oh why, can't I be a woman that loves shopping or at least a woman that can tolerate more than an hour at the mall? I want to enjoy these moments with my daughter and not turn it into a situation about myself. I say this knowing I have to return to the mall one more time this week.  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Please let it go quickly!