Friday, February 3, 2012

Rheumatoid Arthritis Fears

My relationship with rheumatoid arthritis has been extremely good this last year.  I have a few reminders here and there that it is still a part of my life, but for the most part it isn't a daily concern.  I haven't experienced a flare in a really long time and I no longer wake up stiff and sore. In fact, I can't think of any physical restrictions I have these days due to rheumatoid arthritis.

Due to this good relationship with rheumatoid arthritis, I have been working out regularly for the last year.  It feels good to have weights in my hands again and it feels awesome to feel muscles returning to my body.  Some mornings I wake up and think, "Maybe I will skip my workout today and sleep in instead."  This is when my mind remembers the relationship I have had with rheumatoid arthritis and the fears resurface.  My  brain sharply tells me, "Cathy, you have limited time before RA comes back and snatches you away.  You need to get strong NOW."

It is true, rheumatoid arthritis may come back to get me at any time.  I do acknowledge that and honestly, it scares the pants off me. Sometimes I need to cry, as I did this morning, and let those feelings of fear exist.  Other mornings I am able to push the fears aside and visualize myself healthy forever.  I like those days better.