Recently I have been thinking back to 2004 when I started waking up in January with stiff achy fingers and by April, struggled to walk down the stairs. I felt PANIC. I remember it was hard to breathe. I was frightened over what was to come of my body and my future. I have also been thinking about my body as a child, teen, and young adult. Nervous thoughts were never something I could hide. They always showed up in a rash on my chest.
This last week I have been experiencing two things that haven't haunted me in a long time. I can't breathe and I am covered in a chest and arm rash that intensifies as I think about the current election. Once I know the verdict, I will be able to calm myself either way. It was the same when receiving my diagnosis. Once I knew, then I was able to move forward in learning how to care for my body. It is not knowing that drives me crazy. This election is important for so many reasons and whichever way it goes, there will be much healing as a country that we will have to do. This election I am calling on the life lessons given to me by rheumatoid arthritis. When the results come in, I will treat it like I do my RA. If my candidate loses, I will cry horribly, just I do with each awful flare. I will wonder "why"? But then I will pick myself up and start asking myself what I can do to make the situation better, just as I do with each flare. If my candidate wins, I will pause and feel gratitude, something I do each day that my body is pain free. But I will also remind myself that I have to continue to do small everyday things to make this world a better place for all just as I have to treat myself nicely each and every day to keep my body going strong. And, after Tuesday, I am hoping this rash is gone and breathing becomes a natural occurrence once again.
I like the "don't panic" sign you used for another post. I love that we have humor. I love it because it gives me true hope for the future.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I think I am beyond "don't panic". After Tuesday, I will be okay either way. Because it is true, no matter what, I have hope for the future and trust that people have good hearts.
DeleteHives because you're worried about the election? Oh, dear. For anyone else, I'd recommend Xanax, benedryl and prednisone, but for you, long oatmeal baths and lavender. And yes, breathe. I voted early just so I could quit worrying about all the last-minute hype. I'm not going to like either outcome, but I know I can't hold my breath for four years until the next election. Sigh... Can we write you in for president?
ReplyDeleteYes. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. Every time I get super upset, which is often, I can feel the hives intensifying. I thought I had finally outgrew this. If it doesn't go away after Tuesday, I will look into other issues. Thank you for knowing me and knowing the type of advice I would like. An oatmeal bath and lavender sound perfect!
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