The Calm that Comes with the Familiar

There are days that Izzy and I jump in the car and head for a forest preserve to do our daily walk together, but most days, we take advantage of the sidewalks in our own neighborhood.  In fact, I have found that if I take Izzy somewhere new or different, she doesn't seem settled until we have walked around our own neighborhood.  Perhaps for Izzy and me, the familiar brings a certain amount of calm.  For me, I don't have to think too hard on where I am going and can instead let my thoughts flow in and out.  I find that I am constantly learning new things about my neighborhood of close to 500 homes.  Who is moving?  Who has a teenager graduating?  Ooohhh....new outdoor furniture.  Nice.  Lately, I have been focusing on what plants my neighbors are having success with and figuring out what I want for my own yard.  I enjoy seeing friendly faces in the morning that greet me with a smile and I even get a kick out of figuring out ways to avoid those few who don't.  Izzy seems to have her own needs of the familiar. At six years old, she has finally stopped trying to herd every bicyclist in the neighborhood and we both know which dogs are of no interest to her and which ones she would like to tear apart.  Her favorite thing though is peeing in the same spots each day.

Recently, my son couldn't sleep and ended up taking a very early morning walk.  Out of curiosity, I asked which paths he took.  He shared how he left our neighborhood and visited the one next to ours.  He mentioned a path he found that connected our two neighborhoods together.  What?  I have walked this neighborhood daily for the last six years.  How could I miss this path?  Whenever I have decided to extend my walk to the next neighborhood, I have always taken the long way around, thinking there had to be a quicker/easier way.

Yesterday I decided to do a little exploring.  Although I feel like I have walked every street in our neighborhood, I never walk the cul-de-sacs.  This must be where the mystery path was hidden.  The first two did not expose any hidden paths.  Then as I approached the third one I could see a path.  I couldn't see from a distance where it lead, but it was a path.  It was like a shining light came down on this path.  I had found the right place.  I felt relief.  Izzy and I headed down the path and found it lead to a dead end. Disappointed, we headed back to the main path.  The fourth cul-de-sac did not unveil any hidden paths.  On the way home, I felt a conflict in my head going on.  Did I want to continue the search the next day or was I content to continue following the path I have been to the next neighborhood?

My walks with Izzy always provide me with time to think and reflect.  Yesterday's walking experience allowed me to reflect on my health.  Lately I have found myself feeling the need to revamp my overall health plan. Currently, I am following the familiar path of taking medications for my rheumatoid arthritis, but it doesn't always feel right to me. When I chose to go back on medications, it was with the understanding that I would take them as long as I felt comfortable with that decision. I can't say I am completely uncomfortable taking them right now, but definitely starting to think of how to change things up a bit.  Medications are often like my walks through our neighborhood, I don't have to think too hard about what I am doing which does create a certain amount of calm.  It also allows me time to rest my brain from so many years of experimenting with alternative treatments while also looking around at what others are doing to see what fits my lifestyle. This time with the familiar has allowed me to do a little research into some things I would like to try in the future.

The basic belief system I had when I started this blog in 2008 hasn't changed.  I still believe the body wants to heal.  In many ways my body has healed, but not to a point I can easily go off the medications yet.  Like my walk yesterday, I haven't found the path that my body needs to get me to the next place, but this time on medications is allowing me to explore while not feeling pain.  Since my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis, I have definitely discovered many paths to wellness, but something is still missing.  My body still has lot of room to heal, but I need to keep searching for the path that is perfect for my individual body.  The one thing I have accepted while chasing each of these different paths is that what I am looking for may not come easily or with a lot of guidance.  There will be many dead ends. That is why it is so important to continue to be patient, open minded, and most of all continue to nourish myself both physically and mentally.  With time, the path that is perfect for my body will be discovered.  For now, I will continue to enjoy the calm that comes with the familiar.          

I'm Doing It!

Today I met another one of my goals. My family and I rode a nine mile loop through Waterfall Glen Forest Preserve. It is one of our favorite places to ride. The trail has some steep sections and I handled each and every one of them. Plus, as my husband noticed, I wasn't even limping afterwards. In fact, six hours later, I still feel fine.

I did experience a few problems today -allergies and mosquitoes. But my joints? They did such a wonderful job. I am so proud of them. There was one incline that challenged my leg muscles and my lungs due to little exercise in the last year or more but it felt so wonderful to be challenged.

Bike riding with my family is one of my very favorite activities. Thank you Enbrel. Thank you Methotrexate. Thank you healthy diet. Thank you positive thinking. Thank you joints for sticking with me with through thick and thin. We are doing it!

"Past Me" is Returning to Meet "Present Me"

Sophia recently shared a dream with me. I was in this dream. She said that whenever I am in her dreams I have long hair like I did when she was a little girl and I don't have rheumatoid arthritis. She said, "Remember before when you would run up and down the stairs cleaning and doing lots of things? You were never on the computer. You were always doing something." As she was telling me about my "past me" I remembered that person. I remember having lots of energy. Thinking of that person again made me feel happy and even a little energized.

It also made me realize that Sophia and I are both seeing "past me" return. As of Thursday I have had three Enbrel injections. There hasn't been this earthshaking turn of events but with each day I feel a little more like the "past me". A friend said, "Your sarcasm and smile have returned." I feel more playful. I feel like smiling again. It is almost like the pain in my body was taking too much energy before and now it has the energy to do these other simple acts.

Yesterday was an example of how my energy is returning and the desire to get out and do things is also returning. I took the kids to the beach. We have tried as a family three other times (twice with my sister) but were rained out each time. Yesterday with the heat index at 105, it was the right time.

As I walked through the hot sand, I realized that a few months ago I would not have been able to do this walk. It would have been too much of a challenge to walk through the sand. But yesterday, I was able to grab hold of the kids as needed and enjoyed feeling my muscles working once again.

Yesterday was one of those days that you allow yourself to totally soak up the moment and let everything else go. I told the kids, "I am glad we didn't invite anyone to join us. I like having the two of you to myself." It's true. We laughed, we had running races in the water, we sat and talked, I listened as they ran off together to play and we laughed some more. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Yesterday I didn't want to be on the sidelines as I have been for over two years. I wanted to be a part of the fun and I was!


We walked a ways in the heat to get to the beach but once we saw the water, the walk was worth it.

I love that they both still love to play! I hope they never outgrow that.

Sophia wanted to get a shot of my feet while I was balancing simply because "you can do it now".
On the way home Sophia asked why I like being with them so much. It is hard to explain but their voices and laughter fill me with energy. I never get tired of being with these two people.

A few other bragging moments from the last week:
~Steve and I got up early last Saturday and went for a seven mile bike ride. The trail was easy. We planned it that way. I needed to see how my body would handle a simple ride. It did okay. While riding my hips hurt which they still do at night and my shoulders were stiff for a few minutes after getting off the bike but that was it! I did it! Hopefully next weekend we can try a more challenging ride with all four of us.

~My wedding ring fits my finger....again. Last summer I was able to get it on for a while but I haven't worn it for quite a while now.

~When I wake up in the morning, I haven't had to think about how I am going to get out of bed.

~Here is the biggie~ I SAT ON THE FLOOR. AND, I GOT UP WITHOUT ANY HELP!!!! I haven't been able to do that every day since but it happened. Actually, I didn't really think about it but I was up and down all day yesterday at the beach and didn't feel like a granny trying to get up.

I still have a ways to go and Sophia reminded me the other day when I tried to do an arm workout (not as successfully as I had hoped) that I don't have to do everything right away. But I feel I must celebrate each and every little step I make towards being the "past me". The cool thing is that the "past me" will be even better because the "present me" has grown so much as a person due to my experiences with rheumatoid arthritis.

Sending healing thoughts to each of you today!

I'm a User

I am now officially a user of Enbrel. The first shot went smoothly and the home nurse sent out by Enbrel said I did "excellent".

I signed up for Enbrel support and received my needle box yesterday. Unfortunately I signed up after paying my $50 copay. But hey, insurance saved me $1910 for a 30 supply so $50 seems like pocket change, right? As part of the Enbrel support the next six months will be copay free and then just a $10 copay afterwards. Enbrel has called several times to make sure everything is okay and let me know about their free services. At first this was nice but is now starting to feel a little freaky. Last night Walgreens Speciality Pharmacy called to see if they could be my "middleman". As my "middleman" they would call and remind me when it is time for refills and then set them up for me. I told them I can handle that part on my own. Poor Methotrexate never got this kind of royal treatment. Hopefully this drug lives up to all the attention it is getting.