Breastfeeding is one of the greatest gifts I have given to my two children and myself. It is a gift that has benefits far beyond providing nourishment to an infant/toddler. It is a gift that bonded us early, kept us bonded during growing spurts, provided safety and calm during difficult transitions, plus numerous other benefits that I will forever be grateful for.
Nursing didn't come easy for me with my first child. I had to work at it, but once the two of us figured it out together, it wasn't something we were about to give up quickly. Luckily for me, I was introduced to La Leche League during my first few weeks of nursing. The lessons I learned from this group of nursing moms forever changed my outlook on parenting and health. I felt empowered to follow my heart when it came to my children in all aspects of their lives. As the person who knows them best, I learned I had earned that right to make decisions that felt right to me, rather than what society or even "professionals" felt was right for them. The closeness we experienced together through nursing gave me a unique look into their lives. The empowerment I learned through nursing my children continued into the decisions I would later have to make about my own health with rheumatoid arthritis.
To read more, visit my contributing post at MyRACentral.
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Teens Deserve Kind Words Too!
Yesterday morning I met two colleagues at the copier. They were discussing their teenage children. One immediately asked me, "What mean things are your kids saying to you?" I honestly replied, "They aren't." She sarcastically came back with, "I know, your kids are good."
Many, many years ago I learned a valuable lesson from the La Leche League group I was involved in and that is as parents we need to be our children's biggest supporters. Rather than focusing on the negatives about their personality, let them overhear you sharing a wonderful story about them. Also, talk about them in private as you would if they were there with you. If I heard my children or husband talking about me the way I hear parents talk about their children, it would honestly break my heart. What is worse, I hear parents saying these awful things about their kids in front of them.
As my kids get older, they are developing their own opinions about life and yes, there are times that we disagree and times we get angry with each other. That same thing happens sometimes with adults. We disagree. However, with adults we back off before trying to control their every thought. Teenagers deserve the same respect and when they don't receive it, they fire back, just like any adult would do.
Our children do grow up and they do form their own opinions about life. This doesn't mean they are terrible. It means they are in a transition place from honoring and valuing every word you said to thinking for themselves. Would you want it to be any different? We want our children to think for themselves, yet many parents put their kids down for doing that exact thing. How can they win?
Stop and listen to your kids. Find out what they are really thinking. Remember they don't have the experiences we do and sometimes they have to live life before they can come to similar thought patterns. Compromise. Remember that like all humans, they too want individual control over many of their own actions and beliefs. And please, please, do not put your children down. When you are about to say something ugly about them to another person, think hard about something you admire about them and share it instead. Remember that they are people who are at a challenging time in their life and still need their parent's support. As a parent I always think, "As humans we NEED support and if our children can't get it from us, they are going to look elsewhere for it." Personally, I would rather work with my kids, I would rather find the amazingly good characteristics they possess, and I would rather have to change some of my judgements than risk them looking for others to give them the support they need because they can't find it at home.
I do have good kids. I am not going to lie about that or try to find negative things to say about them so that I can fit into a conversation. I know it makes people uncomfortable. Later in the day one of the colleagues mentioned my kids being good again. Luckily the secretary was sitting with us and I said, "You have good kids, right?" (She has mentioned to me how wonderful they are many times.) She said, "Oh yes!" It was then that this colleague said, "Well, my daughter really is good too." She then went on to mention many wonderful things about her. Wouldn't it be nice if all our conversations about our kids were like this?
Many, many years ago I learned a valuable lesson from the La Leche League group I was involved in and that is as parents we need to be our children's biggest supporters. Rather than focusing on the negatives about their personality, let them overhear you sharing a wonderful story about them. Also, talk about them in private as you would if they were there with you. If I heard my children or husband talking about me the way I hear parents talk about their children, it would honestly break my heart. What is worse, I hear parents saying these awful things about their kids in front of them.
As my kids get older, they are developing their own opinions about life and yes, there are times that we disagree and times we get angry with each other. That same thing happens sometimes with adults. We disagree. However, with adults we back off before trying to control their every thought. Teenagers deserve the same respect and when they don't receive it, they fire back, just like any adult would do.
Our children do grow up and they do form their own opinions about life. This doesn't mean they are terrible. It means they are in a transition place from honoring and valuing every word you said to thinking for themselves. Would you want it to be any different? We want our children to think for themselves, yet many parents put their kids down for doing that exact thing. How can they win?
Stop and listen to your kids. Find out what they are really thinking. Remember they don't have the experiences we do and sometimes they have to live life before they can come to similar thought patterns. Compromise. Remember that like all humans, they too want individual control over many of their own actions and beliefs. And please, please, do not put your children down. When you are about to say something ugly about them to another person, think hard about something you admire about them and share it instead. Remember that they are people who are at a challenging time in their life and still need their parent's support. As a parent I always think, "As humans we NEED support and if our children can't get it from us, they are going to look elsewhere for it." Personally, I would rather work with my kids, I would rather find the amazingly good characteristics they possess, and I would rather have to change some of my judgements than risk them looking for others to give them the support they need because they can't find it at home.
I do have good kids. I am not going to lie about that or try to find negative things to say about them so that I can fit into a conversation. I know it makes people uncomfortable. Later in the day one of the colleagues mentioned my kids being good again. Luckily the secretary was sitting with us and I said, "You have good kids, right?" (She has mentioned to me how wonderful they are many times.) She said, "Oh yes!" It was then that this colleague said, "Well, my daughter really is good too." She then went on to mention many wonderful things about her. Wouldn't it be nice if all our conversations about our kids were like this?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Growing Up Is Fun To Do
I think I am one of the few moms that doesn't miss my children being babies. Don't get me wrong, I loved when they were babies. I loved nursing them, reading together, sleeping together, and playing together. Really, I loved everything about them as babies, toddlers, and children. I feel like Steve and I embraced each age to the fullest and rather than missing something we had, we enjoy who they are now. Plus, in reality, they are still the same basic somebodies they were then. When we look at video of them as toddlers, we still see the same person inside. Sometimes now, as I did when they were little, I find myself watching them in amazement wondering how the two of us produced something so absolutely perfect!
I love that their bodies are both changing in dramatic ways. I like having conversations with them and hearing their thoughts on topics. I love that they are making close friends while still needing lots of hugs during the day from me. I love that they have minds of their own and are following paths that suit them as individuals.
The other day Alexander was a little frustrated with me and snapped at me which he has never done. At first it hurt my feelings but then as I thought about it, I realized that he has a mind totally of his own now and sometimes we aren't going to agree on things. That's okay. He did later apologize (twice) which I told him wasn't necessary but appreciated. We were able to talk about it together. I like that too. I like that they are growing up and feel lucky to be a part of the experience.
I love that their bodies are both changing in dramatic ways. I like having conversations with them and hearing their thoughts on topics. I love that they are making close friends while still needing lots of hugs during the day from me. I love that they have minds of their own and are following paths that suit them as individuals.
The other day Alexander was a little frustrated with me and snapped at me which he has never done. At first it hurt my feelings but then as I thought about it, I realized that he has a mind totally of his own now and sometimes we aren't going to agree on things. That's okay. He did later apologize (twice) which I told him wasn't necessary but appreciated. We were able to talk about it together. I like that too. I like that they are growing up and feel lucky to be a part of the experience.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Attachment Parenting and The Family Bed
Even though my years of sharing a family bed are mostly over, it is a time I will always look back at as the best decision Steve and I ever made together. Having our children in bed with us just always felt right. My all time favorite book that was read over and over again is Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears. Reading Dr. Sears book made me realize how natural it is to have your child sleep next to you and has been a natural part of parenting until recent years.
Sleeping with my children allowed me to know them in a way that I don't think I would have ever known them. I learned that Sophia needed to sing herself to sleep, that Alexander woke up often with nightmares when he was a toddler and quickly fell back to sleep when he could cuddle with me. I learned that Sophia scratched at her eczema all night long and I could gently rub areas and help ease her back to sleep.
My family has many fond memories of our family bed. For many years we had a twin size bed next to our king size bed and I would wake up in the morning with both kids and I in one little corner cuddled up together. My mom bought us the book The Biggest Bed in the World which we loved and read often together in our biggest bed. We have the memory of Alexander and I laying next to each other listening to the pitter patter of little feet when we first moved into this house and realized we had squirrels living in our attic. We have tons of memories of funny stories that were shared after the lights went out. My most precious memory though is how when the kids woke up and saw our faces, they immediately smiled.
I have heard all the cons of sleeping with your child, but in all honesty, I will never believe them. After sharing a family bed for many years, I have seen too many benefits. I have experienced the gift of having my children with me 24 hours a day and it is just too wonderful to not think that is how we were meant to be.
Here are a few articles on co-sleeping that you might enjoy:
Ten Reasons To Sleep Next To Your Child At Night
Shunning the Family Bed. Who Benefits Most?
Family beds, breastfeeding and attachment parenting have been on my mind lately, more as reflections than wanting new information. We of course have weaned from the breast (I told everyone that my children would naturally wean when ready and they did!) and rarely have a family bed anymore although our dog Izzy has replaced the kids, but attachment parenting is something that stays with you a lifetime. I had this post ready to go and then did a few things around the house and wondered what made me feel the need to write about the family bed. Maybe it is because my family is moving into a new phase of our life - we are becoming a family of teenagers. With that is much excitement and I never wish my children to be any other age than the age they are now. But, it does challenge me to remind myself that the attachment parenting style I made my own when my children were infants, toddlers and children is the same style I need to use today. When I honor who they are and give them breathing room to be that special person, life is wonderful.
Sleeping with my children allowed me to know them in a way that I don't think I would have ever known them. I learned that Sophia needed to sing herself to sleep, that Alexander woke up often with nightmares when he was a toddler and quickly fell back to sleep when he could cuddle with me. I learned that Sophia scratched at her eczema all night long and I could gently rub areas and help ease her back to sleep.
My family has many fond memories of our family bed. For many years we had a twin size bed next to our king size bed and I would wake up in the morning with both kids and I in one little corner cuddled up together. My mom bought us the book The Biggest Bed in the World which we loved and read often together in our biggest bed. We have the memory of Alexander and I laying next to each other listening to the pitter patter of little feet when we first moved into this house and realized we had squirrels living in our attic. We have tons of memories of funny stories that were shared after the lights went out. My most precious memory though is how when the kids woke up and saw our faces, they immediately smiled.
I have heard all the cons of sleeping with your child, but in all honesty, I will never believe them. After sharing a family bed for many years, I have seen too many benefits. I have experienced the gift of having my children with me 24 hours a day and it is just too wonderful to not think that is how we were meant to be.
Here are a few articles on co-sleeping that you might enjoy:
Ten Reasons To Sleep Next To Your Child At Night
Shunning the Family Bed. Who Benefits Most?
Family beds, breastfeeding and attachment parenting have been on my mind lately, more as reflections than wanting new information. We of course have weaned from the breast (I told everyone that my children would naturally wean when ready and they did!) and rarely have a family bed anymore although our dog Izzy has replaced the kids, but attachment parenting is something that stays with you a lifetime. I had this post ready to go and then did a few things around the house and wondered what made me feel the need to write about the family bed. Maybe it is because my family is moving into a new phase of our life - we are becoming a family of teenagers. With that is much excitement and I never wish my children to be any other age than the age they are now. But, it does challenge me to remind myself that the attachment parenting style I made my own when my children were infants, toddlers and children is the same style I need to use today. When I honor who they are and give them breathing room to be that special person, life is wonderful.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Swimming and Attachment Parenting
"If you scream, I'm going to let go." ~ I overheard this from a grandparent teaching his grandchild to swim.
"Chicken." ~ From a mother whose child didn't want to get in the pool.
As a parent who practices attachment parenting, I find statements like these alarming. If our children learn at a very young age that we will not be there for them if they don't do what we want, what do we expect from them as both teenagers and adults? I know, people say to me all the time, "I grew up that way and I am fine." I don't believe that. We are living in a world of people suffering from disease, obseity, emotional problems, insecurities, etc. I strongly believe that if we can let our children know from a very early age that we honor their personal time schedules as well as their individual needs and wants and that we will be there for them no matter what, that we can change the world for the better.
As an attachment parent I taught my children to swim without the threats, without yelling, and without ridiculing. I held them close to me in the pool when they were ready to enter the pool and always let them know I was there for them. I reassured them over and over that I would not let them go and I kept my word. If they weren't ready to dip their head, then we waited. If they only wanted to swim a few feet away from me, then I stayed nearby, if they wanted me to sit by the sidelines when they dove in the pool then that is where I was. Yes, it took several years before they were proficient swimmers but I wasn't just teaching them to swim. I was also reinforcing that I am always there for them and respect their individual time frames for learning.
For more information on attachment parenting check out these sources:
The Natural Child Project - One of my favorite sites that I recommend to all new parents!
Natural Family Site
Attachment Parenting Index - Dr. Sears
The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart - Jan Hunt
NightTime Parenting by Dr. Sears - This was my introduction to attachment parenting. I remember picking this book up in the book store and remember how it changed my life in only a few minutes of reading. I recommend this book for any new parent.
"Chicken." ~ From a mother whose child didn't want to get in the pool.
As a parent who practices attachment parenting, I find statements like these alarming. If our children learn at a very young age that we will not be there for them if they don't do what we want, what do we expect from them as both teenagers and adults? I know, people say to me all the time, "I grew up that way and I am fine." I don't believe that. We are living in a world of people suffering from disease, obseity, emotional problems, insecurities, etc. I strongly believe that if we can let our children know from a very early age that we honor their personal time schedules as well as their individual needs and wants and that we will be there for them no matter what, that we can change the world for the better.
As an attachment parent I taught my children to swim without the threats, without yelling, and without ridiculing. I held them close to me in the pool when they were ready to enter the pool and always let them know I was there for them. I reassured them over and over that I would not let them go and I kept my word. If they weren't ready to dip their head, then we waited. If they only wanted to swim a few feet away from me, then I stayed nearby, if they wanted me to sit by the sidelines when they dove in the pool then that is where I was. Yes, it took several years before they were proficient swimmers but I wasn't just teaching them to swim. I was also reinforcing that I am always there for them and respect their individual time frames for learning.
For more information on attachment parenting check out these sources:
The Natural Child Project - One of my favorite sites that I recommend to all new parents!
Natural Family Site
Attachment Parenting Index - Dr. Sears
The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart - Jan Hunt
NightTime Parenting by Dr. Sears - This was my introduction to attachment parenting. I remember picking this book up in the book store and remember how it changed my life in only a few minutes of reading. I recommend this book for any new parent.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)