Sneaking in Happiness

I bought these flowers for myself on Tuesday.  I was feeling down and needed a visual reminder that life is beautiful.  Tuesday marked the one year anniversary of my dad dying and it hit me harder than I imagined it would.  In addition, my mom had knee replacement surgery and my husband hasn't been feeling well which worries me.  Plus, I have over-scheduled myself by A LOT.  I know this schedule will eventually be reduced, but for now I don't feel like myself.  I feel like I am living in a cloud that is waiting to be free to live a more simple life once again.

While the flowers were intended to be a reminder of the simple beauty in life, they have actually proved to be a reminder of so much more.  As I have watched the petals slowly open up these last few days, they have been a reminder to slow down and enjoy the present moment.  I have found that by simply walking past this vase of flowers, I am reminded to take a deep breath and let it out.  The flowers have somehow reminded me to smile and focus on what is really important to me in my life - my family.

On Tuesday evening when I returned home late from a day of teaching and tutoring, I danced in the kitchen with Sophia.  Last night I laid in bed talking to her until my eyes could no longer stay open.  Spending time with her reminds me to laugh and talking with her reminds me of lessons I sometimes forget.  My almost 14 year old daughter is very wise in her understanding of relationships and reminded me last night that we always need to look beyond what we initially see in a person because a lot more is going on in the background.  Yesterday afternoon I had a great conversation with Alexander which took my mind to another place besides commitments.  Each night when I get home from work he asks me how work went that evening.  I love that he cares and is interested.  I also love sharing little tidbits of my life away from home with him.  And my sweet husband, who I don't see near enough of, spent some time at work the other day instant messaging with me when he knew I was sad.  He was able to sum up how I am feeling exactly.  I love that he knows me so well and I am glad that I put my phone away before bed and laid in his arms several nights ago rather than once again checking my emails.

My life right now is chaotic and overall I feel worn down and stressed which is not a feeling that wears well on me.  Sneaking in a little happiness though, makes a huge difference.  It lets me focus on what is still most important to me and gives me the energy to complete the responsibilities I have committed to.

Change is Good

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

Last summer I had experienced almost one year of feeling physically good.  The relief from constant pain and stiffness in my joints allowed me to take a good look at my life.  What I saw was that my kids and I weren't moving forward as I had hoped we would on our homeschooling journey and in some of our friendships.  In fact, I felt our current situation was draining us and preventing us from moving forward. I knew that I now had the energy to make some changes, but the changes would be hard.

Anytime we leave friendships, groups, and responsibilities that have been a part of our lives for a long period of time, it is difficult, even if you know they are no longer nourishing who you are and who you want to become. By moving forward I knew I would lose some of the friendships I had truly enjoyed years earlier.  I knew I would be leaving a group that had given us so much in the past and that the three of us loved having a part in creating, but that no longer served our needs.  I knew that moving forward would mean I didn't know what lay ahead for us and that was the scary part for all three of us.

Out of desperation for change, I made the decision, with the help of my kids and husband to move forward and away from the friendships, groups, and responsibilities we had held dear to us for many years.  I also stood up for myself at a school I didn't like teaching at and was not asked back in January.  I could no longer breath in these situations.  They were holding me down and not allowing me to move forward and find the next path I was meant to follow.  They were not allowing me to find the new ME. I felt scared not knowing where this path was going to take my kids or me but I knew it had to happen.  Luckily, my kids did too.  

I experienced a couple of lonely months trying to figure out where I belonged and how I was to find my next life path.   Despite the loneliness, I knew I had made the right choice. A heaviness I had felt for some time felt lifted from my body and my heart. I knew that I had to let go of my past in order to allow new things to come into my life.  

The last few weeks have been extremely busy for me and I sometimes find it hard to catch my breath.  I am trying to find the balance of how to include all the good that has come my way since leaving my past behind.

• To replace the income lost from the school I was not asked back to, I began private tutoring while continuing to teach two classes at the community college where I have been for over ten years.  I love it!!!  It feels like I am finally helping my students in a way that I could never do in the classroom.  I have time to invest in lessons that are very individualized and the results are amazing. 
• I was asked to be a board member for Show Us Your Hands!  This project and the people involved bring so much positive to my life.  
• My family is moving ahead and finding their own paths.  My husband became manager of his group about six months ago and he is finding his own strengths and strengthening his weaknesses.  He has a very unique way about himself and it gives me pride to see him succeed by being who he is.  Sophia has decided to go to high school next year which means the end of her homeschooling experience.  I am excited for her.  Her education has always been in her hands and this is 100% her decision.  Alexander is considering part-time high school but only if it works within his terms.  I love that he knows he has options.  Both kids are busy finding out who they are as teenagers and while it can sometimes be exhausting for me, it is also amazingly exciting.  I sometimes feel helpless not knowing how to help them find their path but I also know that they will.  They are such great kids.  I don't know how I got so lucky having the two of them.  
• I have been asked to participate in a couple of other adventures that I am considering down the line and I have other ideas that I want to explore professionally, when I have time.  Also, I have an idea for a book that I would love to dive into, but now isn't the time because really, I have no time.

I have always been a positive person.  It seems to be my nature.  I like to see the sunny side of life and it has benefited me well.  I struggled for a long time knowing that I was in several situations that no longer nourished me but not knowing how to get out of them.  Finally letting go has opened up so much space in my life for what I need now.  The new experiences and challenges are the ME now and it feels right.  Life feels good.  

 

Quiet Thanksgiving Weekend - Just What This Introvert Craves

Long ago I came to the happy realization that I am an introvert.  Once I accepted this about myself, I started respecting the needs that come with being an introvert.  Although I love people, they exhaust me.  I find that I get my energy from being at home reading, taking walks, or hanging out with my family.  This weekend provided exactly what this introvert needed.  I am now revived and ready to tackle a busy week full of people.  

A delicious grain free meal prepared by the three of us.

Steve doing his manly job of slicing the turkey. 

Alexander has helped Steve put up the tree since he could stand.  It is so fun to see him now.

Sophia's ornament for this year is a s'mores inside a sleeping bag to represent her week long camping trip.

Alexander received a license plate with his name since this was the year of learning to drive.

Enjoyed some time alone with Sophia decorating for Christmas.

Alexander putting up his collection of ornaments.  Great memories.

On Friday night we went to our town's Christmas tree lighting.

The big guy that makes all these wonderful memories possible!

It feels good to be me!

Returning to the Family Table

Eating together at the kitchen table is something that has always been important to me.  It was the way I was raised and the way I wanted to raise my kids.  When the kids were very little, I often sat one or the other on my lap as Steve and I ate so they could be included in this daily routine together.  As they were able to sit alone comfortably, I sat them in the highchair and scooted it to the table where they could sit with us, even if it meant they were playing with toys while we ate.  Enjoying a meal together each day at the table continued to be a routine of my family.  It brought us together each and every day when my husband got home from work so that we could share our stories.   

When my rheumatoid arthritis got really bad starting in 2008, eating at the table stopped.  During that time from 2008-2010 when the pain was extreme, I admit that I often just wanted to "check-out".  After making dinner for my family, I didn't have the energy to make conversation or even to listen attentively.  Sitting in front of the TV was easier for me and became our new routine.  It didn't help that I was gone four evenings out of the week working and generally ate alone before heading out, something I don't really enjoy.

This week I am on break from work which means I am home with everyone in the evenings.  This also means dinner at the table.  I found myself getting quite excited about dinner and the holidays last night as I placed the flowering plant that Alexander and I picked out yesterday while grocery shopping on the table. I felt ready for everyone to come eat the meal I had prepared as I sat out Thanksgiving napkins sewn by the kids many years ago and arranged the Pilgrims my mom painted for me before I even had kids, but that have become a tradition of Thanksgiving at our house.  I even went as far as to put out candles and put on music.  It was nice having each of us together listening and talking.  This week will be the beginnings of something wonderful that was set in place years and years ago.  I am happy to return to the family table.      

Pull-Ups: My Body Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Life has been a little busy and it has taken a toll on both Steve's and my energy sources, so we chose to take about three weeks off from working out to let our bodies have time to rejuvenate themselves.  We started back this week, but this morning Steve wasn't able to join me.  So, I decided to try something I have been wanting to do for a while now but was a little afraid I would never be able to do - pull-ups.  Generally I use the resistance band while Steve does pull-ups, but after checking out Everyday Paleo's tips on doing pull-ups, I decided to give them a try and I did them!  I didn't do a lot, but I did several and it feels great!!!  My body and mind are both jumping for joy at this new little feat.

My body never ceases to amaze me.  It always keeps working to get stronger and perform better.  Thank you body!

23 Years

The other day Alexander and I were talking about expectations of others vs. following your heart.  I shared how when I was 20 and his dad was 21, we got married.  Many people felt we were too young and weren't afraid to share the expectations that we should date longer, we should have more experiences, and we should finish college first.  Getting married and being together felt completely right for us.  It didn't prevent us from having new experiences, we just had those new ones together.  And it didn't prevent us from graduating from college.  I told Alexander it was the right choice for us, even though when I look at 20 and 21 years old adults now they seem so young.  I told Alexander that I know it was right for us because after 23 years of married life, I still feel excited when my husband walks through the door at night.  I still feel like I am married to my best friend.  After 23 years together, I am still married to the love of my life.

Steve told me once that when people ask him what it is like to be married to the same person for this long he says, "it is like being married to ten different people."  I laughed because it is so true.  Although our core being is probably very similar to who we were when we got married, we have both grown and changed so much in 23 years.  Our secret seems to be that we have been able to grow and change together.  It hasn't always been easy and I am often reminded of a card we received at our wedding from an older couple that has been married for over 50 years now, "marriage is work".  It is true.  At times it takes a lot of work remembering not to take each other for granted, remembering the other one has different feelings and thoughts than you do, and remembering that everything isn't just about you.  The fun part is that if you continue to share and learn about each other, you learn to know what to expect in the other one and then all of the sudden they surprise you and you learn something new about that person.  It is fun. 

So as we celebrate our 23rd anniversary today with seven teenagers (two of our own and five who are coming for Sophia's birthday party), I am glad that after all these years and "being ten different people" that my husband still loves me and enjoys being with me.  I am truly a lucky to be me!

Gifts from Two of the Men in My Life

I have heard it said that we choose husbands that are similar to our dads. Although my husband of 23 years (as of June 11), is different than my dad in many ways, they have a few very important things in common. First, they have both loved me for who I am no matter what decisions I have made in life and second, they have both taught me to listen to my heart and follow what feels right for me.    

Growing up, my dad was always my "go to" person when I was sad or had difficult decisions to make in life.  When I shared secrets with him, he never made me feel guilty for the choices I made.  He would often just hold me and let me cry it out or lead me through some questions that made me think rather than giving me advice on what I should do.  He always reminded me that only I knew the answer that was right for me.  This has been a very important lesson for me throughout my life and one I hope I am transferring over to my own kids. 

My husband Steve has seen me through my best and worst days.  Through our 23 years together, we have experienced more "ups" than "downs" I think.  But, during the "down" times, he has shown me a strength and love that has made me love him more than I could have ever imagined.  Really, he is the stronger one of the two of us.  His heart is kinder than mine and I continue to learn a lot from him each and every day.

One of the greatest gifts my husband has given me is the gift of listening to my heart when it comes to our children. When I was pregnant I read a ton of books on pregnancy and childbirth.  Then I moved on to books about raising your kids.  Plus, I had lots of advice from family and friends.  I thought I had it all figured out. 

When Alexander was born, I tried listening to what the books and people said about sleeping arrangements with a baby.  I tried putting him in the cradle next to our bed and I tried waking up in the middle of the night to nurse him in a rocking chair.  It never felt right.  I liked having his body close to mine as frequently as possible.    One night when I was in a foul mood and woke up to nurse Alexander, Steve said, "Why don't you just sleep with him? When he is in bed with you, both of you sleep."

I remember vividly the first night all three of us went to bed together.  I briefly woke to latch Alexander on for nursing several times throughout the night but then fell right back to sleep.  There were no more nights of sleeping in a rocking chair as I tried to get him back to sleep.  There were no more nights of my heart feeling empty because he wasn't close to me.  The best thing, we all woke up next to each other and the two of us spent time cooing over our little guy.  What a great way to start a day!  I knew that first night that this was the direction my heart was pulling me.  This was the right decision for my family and I was so thankful to my husband for leading me down this road.

We continued to practice attachment parenting, following our hearts and raising kids that are out of this world wonderful!  Sometimes it has been hard for Steve I think because the kids have often come first.  I devote a lot of time to them which means he doesn't always get a lot of attention.  He has always understood that yet, he also is good at letting me know when the time has come that he needs some attention too.  I am glad for that because I would never want to lose the connection we have.

My kids are my contribution to this world.  The love that I can pour into them now is the love that they will pour back out into this world.  What I love about my husband is that he supports each and every parenting decision that I make and he keeps me grounded when I feel confused.  He guides me to make good decisions that make my masterpieces, my children, that much more wonderful! He encourages me to follow my heart and be the person that I am meant to be. 

I know I am a lucky woman to have had two amazing men in my life that love me for who I am not matter what.  I am lucky that the man I married is similar to my dad in that they have both loved me unconditionally.  The only thing either one has asked of me is to love them back.  So, I am glad that I chose a man to spend my life with that has the core similarities as my dad.  Thank you Dad for giving me a high standard to look for in life. Thank you Steve for being my source of strength and love.

Date Night

For the first time in 14 years, Steve and I planned an overnight trip alone without kids.   We didn't go far, just thirty miles away to a hotel located in downtown Chicago, but it felt like we were far away from home and all responsibilities.  I hope to have many more date nights like this with my husband.

Steve made reservations at a steakhouse a couple of blocks from the hotel, but with the windchill around -15, I  couldn't handle the cold, especially in a dress and heels.  Instead, we stopped at the Italian restaurant right outside of the hotel that just happened to have a gluten free menu.  Less fancy, but still incredibly enjoyable.

Here we are in the hotel.  I am wearing one of the dresses that Steve bought for me last month.  He saw me when I tried it on at the store but surprised me once again by being in total awe of how I looked in the dress.  I honestly have the sweetest guy ever.  I want to wear dresses all the time now!  Also, I am carrying a purse given to me by my grandma.  When I was a little girl, I would ask her if we could go visit the purses in her basement.  She would always satisfy my need to see them.  Together we would walk down the stairs.  I knew exactly where they were located, but never walked ahead of her.  I always respected that it was her job to get the box of purses down and share them with me.  Inside the box were about five purses she used during her younger days when she and my grandpa went out partying.  Several years before she died she told me she had something special for me.  She wanted me to have her purses.  This has always been a gift that I have treasured like no other.  I still get them down from my closet occasionally and just starting using them in December when we attended holiday parties.  I am guessing they are around 60-70 years old and still absolutely beautiful.   

Marriage

Tonight I have a somewhat spontaneous date planned with my husband of 22 years. He has planned everything. My only responsibility is to make sure the kids have food for the evening and to make myself beautiful.

I woke up early this morning excitedly thinking through what I want to do to make myself beautiful for this evening. One of the things on my list was to paint my toenails. As I began the process of painting, I studied my toes. Despite the huge reduction in pain and inflammation recently, my toes are experiencing some physical changes and as with all change, I experienced a moment of panic. “Where are these changes taking me? How can I stop these changes? I’m scared.”

I took a deep breath and as quickly as the panic took over, I was able to focus that breathe back on my evening plans. All the panic and fear disappeared. In that one instance I knew that it didn’t matter what changes rheumatoid arthritis or even age have to throw at me because in the eyes of my husband, I am the most beautiful person alive.

My sister just sent me a text that says, “Isn’t it awesome to still be giddy about a date with your husband after all these years?” It is awesome. It is awesome to not just feel giddy, but to know that throughout all these years together we have developed something stronger than my heart could have ever imagined possible.

Making Christmas Ornaments

All of my shopping is done except going out tomorrow to buy food for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I am on a one month break from work.  Homeschool group doesn't meet for two weeks.  Today begins the first of my relaxing days.  I feel the spirit of Christmas filling me as I begin to appreciate these quiet moments. 

Every year since the kids were little I have given them a Christmas ornament that represents something they were interested in during that year.  This year life got crazy and I didn't have anything the day we put up our Christmas tree which traditionally is when I give them to the kids.  Over the weekend I shared with Steve my ideas for their ornaments this year and how I planned to make them.  He suggested I go out and look around for something or see if I could have something delivered in time rather than burden myself with making them. 

This project isn't a burden.  All week I have been looking forward to this morning when I would have several hours before the kids woke up to roll clay around in my hands.  I have looked forward to creating something special for them that I know they will treasure for many years. 

This morning I spent about two hours creating the ornaments.  For Sophia I made a guitar out of Sculpey clay.  This year she bought a Taylor guitar and has been taking lessons with Steve.  He is really impressed with her abilities.  He has taught guitar to many kids her age and said she is the first one that really just seemed to have a natural ability for it.  I guess she takes after her daddy.   For Alexander I created an Animal Farm ornament.  This year has been amazing for him.  He constantly has a book with him and loves to share the details of the books he reads. This year I have seen a change in how he thinks.  He has become more opinionated and questioning.  It is fun seeing his mind evolve as he seeks to find answers.  I love his enthusiasm.  In fact, I started rereading 1984 (I haven't read it since college) based on his morning descriptions of the book.  I think they are going to love their ornaments.  (Sorry, no pictures because they are sitting in the oven right now since Alexander woke up just as they finished up.)

The ornaments were a way to relax this morning.  To not be in a hurry.  To quiet my mind.  Also, they were a great way to work my fingers.  I have continued to do my hand exercises since completing physical therapy but have not yet been able to make a complete fist.  I am getting closer and my physical therapist recommended doing crafts like this to work the fingers, so hopefully it helps.   

As many of you finish up your shopping this week and begin Christmas preparations, I wish you good health, happy joints, and wonderful memories.  

Holiday Office Party

A week ago Saturday was Steve’s office party. It was fun. As he introduced me to his colleagues, I felt like each person was a character in a book because I hear so many stories about each of them. Seeing their faces is like going to a movie and being a little surprised that they don’t look as you imagined.

Whenever we eat anywhere except home I worry about consuming foods I have eliminated. I was in luck with this party. Everything was served “family style” so I skipped the pasta and breaded chicken and stuck with the salad, salmon and steak. Yummy.

We ended up not staying for the dance. We have been getting up around 5am to work out and we are both beat by 10pm. But we had fun dressing up, eating good food, drinking free wine, and socializing with Steve’s co-workers. 

When we got home from the party, Sophia asked how it went. Steve replied, “Cathy was the prettiest one there.” Seriously, this man makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. In our many years together, it has always been that way.

*Yes, that is me in heels!  I was totally surprised that I could wear them all evening.  I have never been a "heel wearing gal", even pre-RA, so this was a step outside my comfort zone.  Since feeling better, I am trying to move out of my comfort zone more often.  It is fun.

Cinderella

Last night was fun.  Since Sophia was at a friend's house and we had about a three hour block of time before we had to pick Alexander up from a party, Steve and I ended up with a date night.  As we were eating we discussed Steve's Christmas work party we are attending tonight.  Steve mentioned that he would love to see me in a little black dress.  I don't own one.  So, we decided to head to the mall afterwards and just see if we could find something.

I don't like shopping.  At 5'0 I generally have a difficult time finding dresses the right length and then with a size five foot, shoe buying (except online) is a huge chore.  Nevertheless, we headed out to see what we could find.  I recommended the first store where we found nothing that interested us. Then Steve suggested a store we had passed by earlier and right away he found two dresses he liked.  They looked like something I would feel comfortable in too.

I didn't realize when we entered the store that it was was about to close.  It obviously didn't matter to the two gals helping us.   They were truly wonderful.  As I headed to the dressing room, they asked my shoe size and within minutes I had a few selections of shoes sitting in my dressing room.  When I came out to show dress number one to Steve, his eyes popped!  Of course this is the reaction any woman appreciates from a man, but it is especially welcome from a husband of 22 years.  From that moment on he took charge of this little unplanned shopping spree.  He asked the gals, who were having a ball dressing me up and seeing his reaction, for ideas on necklaces.  He even had ideas of his own.  Then I tried on dress number two.  The same reaction!

Deciding on which dress to purchase was difficult.  It is very rare that I walk into a store and find clothing that fits perfectly.  As I headed to the dressing room to dress I told the gals it was up to Steve which one we purchased.  Guess what?  I now have two dresses, a new pair of shoes, two necklaces, a pair of earrings, a sweater and panty hose.   I love it!  Steve felt like both dresses are classic styles that I can wear for a long time and something I have needed for a while.  Plus, he is looking forward to seeing me in one of the dresses tonight at his party.

This experience was so fun! As I originally headed to the dressing room I thought, "Well, if this dress does fit I am going to spend all of tomorrow looking for shoes and accessories."  But this was truly the most fun I have had shopping.  It was fast.  Everything just came together perfectly.  I loved the attention I received and I especially loved the way the gals laughed and worked off Steve's reactions.  I felt like Cinderella.  Now I just need someone to come do my hair and makeup!

Living Simply Brings Happiness

One morning early last week I was walking Izzy when I realized that with each step I took, there was a little hop.  I felt almost like I was as light as a feather hoping along our walking path with a great big smile that came from nowhere.  The next day it was the same.  The day after the same again.  This wonderful  feeling stayed with me all day as I traveled to work, to the grocery store, as I cooked, as I cleaned the house, to homeschool group, and back to work. Even at the end of the day I realized I was still smiling.  What I was experiencing  was a feeling of complete happiness.

My schedule has been busier the last month than ever before.  When I get home at night, I can't wait to jump into bed and fall asleep.  Yet, I feel happier than I can ever remember.  Why?  My guess is that even though  my hands are extremely full right now, I have simplified my life to include the things that really mean the very most to me. 

• Work:  I am working a lot of hours (for me anyhow).  But I love my two jobs!  Both jobs are as adjunct faculty teaching adult English as a Second Language and although I get paid for my job, I leave each class feeling like I have given something to my students and they have given something to me.  They each leave class saying, "Thank you Teacher."  One day we had about ten minutes left of class time so I stood at the door and asked each one of them a different question as they left.  The next day they wanted it again.  Teaching makes me feel creative and dramatic.  Getting up in front of a classroom of limited English speakers requires me to come outside of my usual quiet personality into a personality of drama and fun.  I love being this other person!    
• Food:  I am eating very simply.  I am purchasing my meat (beef, chicken, pork, lamb, and eggs) from a farmer that has been providing for us for eight years now.  We have seen his family go through some ups and downs, but they have always been there for us.  I like having this relationship with the people that provide the foods I eat.  We are eating veggies that are organic (and local if possible).    That's about it. We add some good fats to our foods and the kids eat some fruits. Very simple, yet delicious.  My body is responding well to these foods.  It doesn't overeat because without the grains (even gluten free) my body knows when it is full and it listens.  
• Sleep: I am not getting as much sleep as I have in the past, but I make it a priority to get to bed as early as I can.  My body likes that I am caring for it this way.  Sleep is so important in healing.
• Responsibilities:  I took a close look at the list of things I am responsible for and got rid of the ones that weren't nourishing my family and me anymore.  I am so proud of myself!  People have taken over and done such an amazing job!  It is nice to think we have to do it all ourselves, but really, we don't.  We just have to give up the control and realize things will go in the direction they were meant to go.  I am also saying "no" to things that add stress to my life, even if it means disappointing people.
• Exercise:  I am exercising more than I have in years.  Each morning I get up with Steve and we work out together.  This time is probably the one thing that has made a huge difference in how I feel.  I love having time together in the morning to see each other grow stronger, to laugh, and to give little hugs during breaks. When schedules get busy it is very easy for couples to slip into conversations that focus only on the necessary day to day things.  I am glad we have carved this time out together.  Afterwards, I take Izzy for a walk where I get to experience the gifts that nature gives each day: cold, rain, wind, and heat.  It sets the stage for the rest of the day physically and mentally.
• Family:  Even though my schedule has been really busy, I have found new pockets of time to spend individually with each member of my family that wasn't planned.  With me being away from home more, they each need that one on one time with me to reconnect.  I need it too.
• Friends:  I have been connecting with a few friends that I have known for many years on a whole new level.  I like knowing more about them and that I get to share me with them.   
• Rheumatoid arthritis:  RA is taking a backseat in my life right now.  It sneaks in every week with a new nodule in the wrist, swollen wrist and fingers, or a limp caused by swelling in the knee.  But, overall, it is allowing me this time to experience true happiness.  Thanks RA! 

There have been times when life brings events that get me down and at my worst with rheumatoid arthritis I have felt some depression, but overall I am usually happy.  What I am experiencing now is a whole new level of happiness. I feel it radiating from me. I have focused on the simplest things that give us nourishment and energy: food, sleep, exercise and family/community.  I have llet the other things go to the sidelines. I have been searching for many years for new "alternative" types of medicine, but what makes me feel the happiest and most content is just the very simple things in life. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.  I am so thankful that you read my thoughts here on my blog and that many of you share comments with me.  I love reading them.    

Paleo Diet is About More Than Just Food

During the last few months I have become a Robb Wolf addict.  I have been listening to all of his podcasts and recently finished his book The Paleo Solution.  Not only do I love his ideas about eating and life, I find his personality fun. 

What I have taken from this recent addiction is the following:

• Avoid grains, legumes and dairy.
• Avoid gluten like the plague.
• Eat plenty of protein sources from free range providers.
• Eat local organic veggies.
• Eat good fats and plenty of them!

Robb Wolf suggests trying this diet for 30 days and if you "look, feel, and perform better" than continue.  If you don't, then move on!  I use a similar saying with my kids, "You know your body best.  How do you feel? "  When I listen to my body, I know this feels right not only physically, but philosophically.

Besides giving great advice on diet, Robb Wolf and other paleo sites I have visited talk about a few other essentials to healing:

• Get LOTS of sleep!
• Things won't make you happy!
• Get out and PLAY!

I listened to Robb Wolf's podcast #52 this afternoon where he talks a little about "burn-out". He shares how he and his wife have found fun things to do together outside of the realm of their business. As I was listening, I thought, "This is why Steve and I are always excited about the weekends. It isn't that we hate our jobs (we both actually like our jobs a lot), but that the weekend generally allows for more playfulness." The two of us have always had a strong need to be playful with each other (I assume every couple does, sometimes they just let the craziness of life take over) and when we don't allow time for it, we can always feel it.

As I continue to grow and learn more about nutrition and health, I learn more about other areas of my life that need a little tweaking.  I have the food part down for the most part and although I have always enjoyed play and sleep, I find that as my schedule gets busier and busier, I have to work hard at making sure these two things happen.  This weekend we don't have much of anything planned.  After a couple of days this week in a flare, I think my body is telling me that it deserves some extra sleep and play.  I can't wait!

I recently started reading a book titled, Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. So far, I love it and can't wait to share more as I get deeper into the book. It confirms many of the ideas that have become a foundation for my homeschooling philosophy.

"Experiences Over Possessions"

My birthday was last Friday. As my birthday got closer, the kids asked what I wanted for my birthday and one day after a walk I made a list of three or four things that I would like to have as gifts. I felt good about the list I made as they were all wants, but also needs. I don't mind those kind of gifts at all. I thought all was settled and I would be able to pass my list along and see what happened.  Then I remembered a philosophy that my friend Hannah often shares on her blog. She says, "I have always valued experiences over possessions." I love reading her blog because she does have wonderful experiences and I have always admired her philosophy. I don't think I have ever been a person that is all about possessions, although of course I do like some of them, but I have never really concentrated enough on the experiences. Sure, my kids are unschoolers which is based upon the idea of the experiences of life being their teacher, but I often put worry with my own personal experiences. Will we have enough money? Is the money used worth the experience? Is it taking away from what others want?

After thinking on what I really want for my birthday, I decided that I want the experience over the possession. So instead of a list of "birthday wants", I told my family I want a day with them either bike riding in a new area (Steve has a place in Wisconsin he wants to take us now that I am riding again) or hiking at Starved Rock so Izzy could join us. Also, I asked that if they really want to give me something, I would prefer homemade cards or gifts. The decision to not have any purchased gifts came from a discussion that Sophia and I had a few weeks back. We talked about how when we think back to the previous year, we often can't remember a lot of the gifts we received for Christmas or birthdays. However, the gifts made by others that we have in our house are always treasured. Alexander and Sophia have always been great at making gifts for me and they always come with fond memories.

After a super busy day on Friday and again on Saturday, we headed to Starved Rock on Sunday.  When we arrived, the experience I had in my head was different than the one I was experiencing in real life.  In July, we went to Starved Rock with my sister and her boys and the day was relaxed with few people.  Of course, it was a humid summer weekday rather than a perfect fall Sunday.  There were TONS of people at Starved Rock.  At first, I felt overwhelmed.  We brought Izzy with us as I had planned to do. The paths are narrow and she easily gets excited by other dogs and people.  I wondered if we should go home and prevent a stressful day. 

We stayed.  Steve volunteered to walk Izzy and keep her close. She did such a great job.  She tends to try to walk next to me no matter who is walking her.  She was so cute.  If I was ahead of her, she would pull hard on the leash to catch up with me .  If I was behind her, she kept stopping to make sure I was still there.  She is a ":momma's girl".  I like that about her.  She did a super job and seemed to enjoy all the new smells.

The day was nice.  I enjoyed the sunshine, nature, and mostly relaxing with my family.  It was a perfect gift. 

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Tuesday was the last day of classes for this quad.  One of the gals that always arrives before me was late to class.  When she arrived she had a big bouquet of flowers in her hands and everyone stood up and started singing “Happy Birthday” to me.  Then we had the usual last day celebration which means lots of homemade Mexican food!   After we finished the food they pulled out two big cakes from a bakery.  One was to eat in class and the other was to take home and share with my family.  They turned out the lights, lit a candle, and sang to me again.  Then they lined up and each one gave me a birthday hug.  They are so sweet!  I felt very special.  This experience is one that I won't forget easily.  

A special thanks to my mom and dad for bringing me into this world, providing lots of great experiences, and loving me for 43 years! 

Crazy Few Days

The last few days have been a bit crazy.  Here is some background information: I started a part-time tutoring job about two months ago.  I have been tutoring reading to a 15 year old teenage girl and a 10 year old girl.  I really enjoy both of them.  What I don't enjoy is that the tutoring sessions are two hours each.  Two hours for anyone is long, but especially for two girls that have been in school all day.  The first hour we do okay, but by the second hour they give up and tell me they can't do it or get extremely giggly.  I get it.  It feels wrong to me too.  But, I ran into a bigger problem than feeling worn down after two hours, I wasn't getting paid.  The company I worked for kept giving me excuses as to why they couldn't pay me.  So, feeling foolish for continuing on this long, I quit on Thursday morning.  They emailed and called asking me to reconsider, but there were too many holes in the stories.  Something wacky is going on and I don't feel like I need to be in the middle of it.  I feel good about my decision.  I did have a call yesterday from one of the moms to let me know how happy they were with me and how sad they were that I wouldn't be working with their daughter.  It is nice to feel appreciated.

Thursday night after dealing with this company all day and feeling wiped out, I finished teaching my adult ESL class and did a quick check of my emails from my iphone.  Guess what?  A job I applied for in the summer and have been busy gathering paperwork for was approved by the Illinois Board of Education.  I am going in this morning to sign the paperwork and I start Monday night.  How perfect is that?  It felt like my decision to quit couldn't have been better.

This will be the most hours I have worked since Alexander was born fourteen years ago.  I am still part time.  I will work my current job on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a total of 12 hours and then Monday and Wednesday nights with a total of ten hours.  Plus, I will have homeschooling stuff/family life during the day all week.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed.  But, I have some good things in my corner.  My health has improved a lot (minus my right foot that is reminding me that RA is still a part of me) plus Alexander and Sophia are about the two most responsible people in the world.  When I am at work on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, they take care of cleaning the kitchen, making lunches, dog sitting jobs they have and any other responsibilities while I am at work.  That way we can either go to homeschool group on Tuesdays or do "school" stuff on Thursdays between my work schedule.  Also, they have started making more dinners.  I just need to replace my crock pot now!  Knowing I have such responsible kids at home and a supportive husband will make this transition a lot smoother.

Overall, I am excited.  It will be a new experience for me.  I am looking forward to it.  I am also looking forward to working on some financial goals Steve and I have set for ourselves.  If we can reach these goals, wonderful new things will be in our future!

True To My Nature

My kids have never been interested in competitive sports, however, they have always enjoyed being active.  As soon as the kids were off training wheels we were out bike riding.  Sophia will often take rides alone as well as continues to ride with us as a family and Alexander has become Steve's primary biking buddy.  They both seem to enjoy long walks in nature.  When they were little we went to the playground and played "follow the leader".  One of us was the leader and we did as many different things on the equipment as we could - jumps, leaps, hangs, etc.

In the last two years, Alexander has shown that he really likes to work his body hard.  When we take walks, he is always jumping over benches and large rocks.  He loves a good game of tag where there are at least one or two other players who make him run his fastest.  (Mack, a homeschooling dad in our group makes him run really hard and Alexander loves when he plays.)  At fourteen though, he is finding it harder and harder to engage his friends and sister in a game of tag.  He tried doing some free weights, but it wasn't his thing - too boring.  He loves running and will often go for a three mile run.  He doesn't keep a schedule of running though, he just seems to go when his body tells him he needs to. We have been discussing options for him so he feels challenged, yet honors the type of person he is. 

This morning as I was reading articles on diet and watching videos, I discovered MovNat: Explore Your True Nature.      On Erwan Le Corre's site he shows how he works out using nature as his equipment.  It is truly motivating (and sexy).   It reminds me of when we played "follow the leader" and worked our bodies in a variety of ways.

Check out this video of one of his workouts:



This summer we went to Starved Rock when my sister was visiting.  The kids wanted to climb and jump on everything.  Of course, it scared the pants off me, but I admired that they were using their own personal strength and determination while also taking risks.  I can't imagine that we would ever take this workout as far as Erwan Le Corre, but I do like the idea of incorporating more natural types of exercise into our daily routine.  This workout tells me again how important it is to listen to more of what our children are saying and feeling.  I know I often act out of fear when it comes to my kids and prevent them from trying out things that "might" harm them rather than listening to what feels right to them.  I think it is right to explore our bodies to their limits and kids are constantly trying to do that.....we just get in their way.  This video was a good reminder to stay out of their way and let them work their bodies.

*I completed an entire yoga routine today.  I am back on my supplements and the pain that was trying to make its way back into my life has disappeared again. 

Lake Shore Ride

Yesterday morning Steve, Sophia, Alexander and I went out for breakfast and then headed downtown for a relaxing bike ride. We started at Lincoln Park Zoo, stopped off at Navy Pier to play a bit and then continued on past Buckingham Fountain, Shedd Aquarium and the crowds of people heading to the Bears game.

This ride was slow paced and easy. The most difficult part was weaving in and out of joggers, walkers, and other bikers. All four of us knew that we could stop as often as we wanted to explore and have fun which made this type of ride different than when we ride forest preserves. Plus, I liked this ride because it was fun to watch the numerous people out and about exercising, talking, and enjoying the day and I like having the city on one side of me and Lake Michigan on the other as I ride.

Energized

Maya, this post is for you. Thank you so much for rejoicing in my recent "bragging" and even asking for more. You are a beautiful friend.

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The other day I jokingly said to the kids, "I feel like I am on drugs with all the energy I have." Alexander said, "Mom, you ARE on drugs." Oh yeah.

Life continues to be moving quickly for me. I have had some pain and stiffness in my toes and fingers the last few days, but they are minor to where I have been so I hate to even mention it when so many good things continue to be happening for me. But, these little pains remind me that even though I am basically feeling pre-RA, that it will always be a part of who I am and that someday soon it may come back to show its true strength.

But enough of that. This post is about bragging. This week I added an arm workout to my Pilate's DVD. Although I still can't do everything in the workout, I was able to accomplish more on Wednesday than Monday and more on Friday than Wednesday. When I work out I can tell that there is still a lot of inflammation in my wrists, ankles and knees. But, I am constantly doing more in my workouts and best of all I feel muscles returning!!!

I mentioned in an earlier post that I took on another part-time job. In addition to teaching adult ESL twelve hours a week, I will now be tutoring reading to middle school/high school students. I am working for a non-profit company and have spent several hours the last few Fridays in training. Luckily we have been able to do almost all of the training through SKYPE. Today I had my first client. I really like her and felt that we connected. Last year at this time I could barely make it back to my car after work I was in so much pain so it is exciting to be adding on work that I truly enjoy.

On Thursday, in addition to a full day of teaching (four hours in the morning and two hours at night) I fit in school work with Alexander, a trip to the library with Sophia and made muffins with the kids when I got home in the evening. Plus I made dinner! I was definitely tired at the end of the day, but I think anyone would be.

Sometimes during the day I feel like I am the Energizer Bunny and will never stop going. I have so much to accomplish and the energy to do it. However, I have to remind myself of how important it still is to stop and enjoy the simple things that surround me. (This is one of the important lessons I learned from having rheumatoid arthritis.) So, along with all bragging I have been doing the last few weeks, I want to stop and share some of the simple things that were part of my life this week.

• This week, it was a flower that slowed me down. Earlier in the summer Sophia planted several sunflower seeds in our front yard. Only one grew, but it faces right into our living room window and looks right at me while at I am at the computer. It is absolutely perfect! It reminds me of Kansas and my family, it reminds me to smile and look for beauty all around me, and it reminds me of the beauty that is in Sophia. Sometimes I look at that single sunflower standing out there all alone and realize how much it is like Sophia. Sophia is carving out a world that is her very own while always finding the positive in life. What a special little girl I have.
• Also this week, I took time to sit and talk with Sophia about a book she is currently reading that I read it when I was her age. I am going to reread it tonight.
• I love when Alexander shares what happened in his recent game of XBOX and when he tells me how excited he is about the midnight release of Halo REACH this Monday night. Steve will be going with him to the release and then will come back to play the game into the wee hours of the night. I couldn't ask for a better father for my kids.
• And best of all, I stopped to enjoy the hugs that my kids still continue to want and give throughout the day. Whoever said teenagers are difficult never met my two.

What “bragging” do you have for the week? Any simple things you stopped to enjoy?
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Sorry, But I'm a Bragger Now!

Okay, I have more bragging to do today. I hope this doesn't get irritating, but as my strength gets stronger I am amazed at my own body.

Yesterday both kids were invited to a party which gave Steve and me some time for a bike ride alone. As we started off on the ride, I could tell my body was stronger than it was just a few weeks earlier on our ride. Everything felt easier. Yay for me!

As much as I love riding with our complete family, I also love having the chance to ride alone with Steve. It gives us a chance to really talk. As we finished our ride today I not only felt extremely proud of my own physical strength, but also felt reconnected with my husband.