My Truce with Fat

Last year was full of good things, but in reality, way too many changes at once that consumed much of my time and energy.  I entered 2013 feeling full of stress and 15 pounds heavier than I was when 2012 began.  I knew I had to make some changes when classes and private tutoring started back up after the holidays. 

My husband was getting ready to read Deepak Chopra's new book Super Brain: Unleashing the ExplosivePower of Your Mind to Maximize Health, Happiness, and Spiritual Well-Being, so I decided to join him.  While I have skipped around the book a lot, what I found in one chapter has dramatically changed the course of how I am now choosing to organize my time and live my life. With 10-15 pounds to lose, I was drawn to the chapter on weight.  Towards the end of the chapter Chopra says to “make a truce with fat.”  A truce with fat?  Exactly.  Instead of feeling angry at the fat that has developed on my hips, stomach, and breasts, start looking at what is causing that fat.  What is missing in my life that is causing that fat to be there?

It didn’t take long to answer that question, in fact, I have known for some time.  While I love the teaching field I am in, I feel overworked and overstressed by the schedule I have set for myself.  When I looked at my options, I knew there wasn't anything I felt ready to give up for now.  So, I needed to find a way to work more efficiently so I am not spending 100% of my time thinking and worrying about what needs to be done next.  

• I scheduled specific days and times on my calendar to accomplish all of my “work”.  Sundays are now official “non-work” days except for an online meeting I have once or twice a month. In 2012, they often ended up being non work days because I kept putting the work off, but all day I felt anxiety about not doing anything.  Mentally taking the day off feels like it gives me so much more time during the day to enjoy things I want to do.  
• Rather than planning a whole afternoon to clean the house and then finding I am too tired, I am doing one or two small things a day.  (The house is actually staying cleaner.)
• On Tuesday and Thursday, I am either driving or teaching a class for 12-13 hours of the day.  I have a short 1.5 hour break between daytime teaching and night teaching.  In 2012, I rushed home to make dinner and eat which usually resulted in crappy meals and eating on the run.  This year, I am preparing a meal the evening before and throwing it in the slow cooker before heading to work in the morning.  Last night my husband asked, “You don’t have to work tonight?”  I think he was surprised that I was casually sitting at the table eating with everyone else rather than rushing around before heading out.
• I bought some Eucalyptus Epsom salt and have been treating myself to a hot bath when I get home.
• I have made daily meditation a priority.  Each day of meditation seems to calm my mind more and more throughout the day.  If I plan my morning right, I can find 15 minutes to do this one thing for myself.
• Rest.  On Tuesday, I felt some rheumatoid arthritis pain and fatigue.  I chose to spend thirty of my 1.5 hours at home napping.  On Wednesday, I played hooky from half of my private tutoring students and laid in bed watching a movie.  I have decided I am going to do more of this when my body begs for it.
• Making daily goals that are small.  My sister and I text each other every morning sharing one small goal that we want to work on.  Sometimes we adopt the other’s goal and other days they are completely different.  Having her support and encouragement, as well as having someone to be accountable to, has really changed my perspective during the day.
• Laugh.  I am really trying to make this more a part of my life.  I like laughing and I know how great I feel when I do it, but I often let stress and schedules take over.  Laughter is often what connects my family and in turn gives my day a powerful boost.

I have found that by simply scheduling my time to be a more efficient person, I am accomplishing more and reducing my stress levels a lot while also doing some luxurious things for myself such as napping, taking a bath, and enjoying a good laugh.    

Most importantly, I have made a truce with my fat.  Rather than using negative energy being angry at it for what is missing in my life, I have decided to embrace it and thank it for being a reminder that something is out of balance in my life.  I have no doubts that as I find the missing pieces, the weight will no longer be needed and will melt away.  For now, it feels good to take the focus away from something negative and instead put it into nourishing myself.  

Other People's Feelings Are Not Mine

When Izzy and I go for our morning walk we are often met by dogs that are off leash. Their human is always close behind and starts yelling for their dog to return to them.  Sometimes the dog returns, but generally it doesn't.  I always warn them that Izzy is very particular about who she comes in contact with and there may be a problem, especially since she is very protective of me.

This morning we ran into a human who had once again allowed his dog to walk off leash.  The last time we ran into this human and dog, Izzy became very upset.  This time, she instantly became upset and then quickly calmed herself down and waited patiently as the human tried to retrieve his dog.  The dog kept barking at Izzy but the calmer Izzy became the less the dog seemed to be bothered.

As I watched the quick transformation in my border collie, I knew she had once again taught me an important lesson.  This dog came towards her with frustration and needed to "talk".  Izzy had her initial response of anger at this attack and then quickly let it go.  She seemed to realize that this wasn't her issue.  She had nothing to prove as she could have easily taken this little dog out.

Over the years I have been taking steps to let other people's feelings not become my own.  Today I saw that we always have an initial reaction to other's feelings, but what we do with that reaction is up to us.  I hope that the next time I am in a situation of someone trying to place their feelings of anger, fear, or frustration onto me that I can do as Izzy did today and let it go.  I hope that my calm will let the other person know that their feelings aren't for me to feel and experience.  I am so proud of Izzy.  Like me, it has taken her a long time to get to this point.  We are definitely learning together.

Rheumatoid Arthritis & Life: Learning to Accept Change and Let Go of the Past

Life is full of change. Change is scary. Change is hard. It often feels easier to stay where we are in life than accept the change that is occurring. However, life always has other plans for us and throws us situations that create change whether we want it or not. The problem is often not in the change, but in "letting go" of what was and embracing what is now.

In April, life brought a huge change to my life. My dad passed away. This has left a huge empty whole in my spirit. Although I can only think of beautiful memories when I think of my dad, his death feels wrong. It feels as if one of the most beautiful gifts ever given to me has been taken away and life will never seem quite as good. I don't want this change. I want to hold onto my dad and put things back to the way they were before.

As I have reflected on the end of my dad's life, I have realized that many of the feelings I am experiencing are very similar to the feelings I have experienced off and on the last seven and a half years of living with rheumatoid arthritis. It has felt wrong. It has felt like the beautiful gifts life has given me were being taken away. It has felt wrong.

To read more, visit my contributing post at MyRACentral.

Change is Hard

Change is hard. Sometimes you know it is time to make the changes and in your heart you know they will benefit you in the long run, but it doesn't make those changes any easier.

This morning I was a little frustrated with my husband because of some changes we are trying to make. Fortunately, I needed to walk Izzy which always gives me time to reflect on my day, relationships and life in general. I realized that I am expecting Steve to make changes that I have not yet made myself. I guess I don't want to be the first to change, although I don't have any problem giving him a hard time for not making the changes himself.

The changes we are making are going to be a challenge for us right now but in the long run they will benefit all of us. I have a good guy and I just need to learn to be patient with him and myself. Change is not easy for anyone.